FUN THINGS TO DO IN AFGHANISTAN

Posted 16 June 2010 Rants and Satire

Poppies do not grow themselves – far from it. This finicky variety of Papaver requires great love and vast sums of money only available under the watchful eye of a U.S. occupation. Without military aid throughout the plant’s cultivation and harvest, economic devastation could drive the unemployment rate of the U.S. occupied region above its 2008 level of 35%. Brute force may be necessary to insure that agriculture’s 78.6% share of the labor force primarily focus on the production of poppies, rather than other, more nourishing crops. If these farmers were to be distracted by planting hearty food crops to sustainably feed the poverty stricken nation, the global economic impact would be disastrous.

2. Break the “news” to the world of data gathered between the early 1950s and 1985, telling of massive amounts of mineral resources in Afghanistan region.

Now is the time, after 8+ brief years of occupation, to break this exciting news of a new frontier of entrepreneurial opportunity. During these years, military operation goals have been calculably undefined, while remaining astoundingly un-measurable. With these defined and well guarded constraints limiting coalition forces’ infringement on Afghan sovereignty, it is astounding to realize that from the conflict’s beginning we have consistently lost more American troops every year to deadly fighting. It appears that we are well on our way to perpetuating the trend in 2010. We all hope that the Afghan population would benefit greatly from these astounding deposits of mineral resources; however, we may see things differently as they unfold. Some of these glorious new opportunities will no-doubt come to a few fortunate foreign corporations who are truly entrenched in the modern day military-industrial complex. To imagine, all this wonderful opportunity and without the thorns of overreaching government-induced deterrents such as the EPA.

-Well, that’s a pretty full day, but if we don’t free up some time to shore-up the “war on drugs” image, the bottom could fall out of this thing…